Pity

In the last month, we have received numerous phone calls, FB messages, e-mails, and texts from well-meaning friends and "others" to express their sympathy for us. I know that they're intention is to comfort, I guess, but really I'd love for it to stop. No one has died. We're moving on. We're okay.
Yes, we're heartbroken. Yes, it hurts. It's very doubtful that you can even fathom what we feel right now, and even more doubtful that I could begin to explain the depth of pain and emotions. It doesn't matter though, we don't need pity. We're dealing in our own way.
You know what we love? The friends who drop by with food, beer, hugs, flowers. The ones who say--we're totally going out this weekend--prepare yourself. The ones who ask us about our life. (You did know we did other stuff besides this school, right?) The ones who totally get that one second we may be laughing, screaming the next, and then in tears. The ones that don't just say they're there if we need them, they literally are there. The ones who aren't making a big deal out of anything, but simply stand by us.
I am especially thankful for this band of brothers that have taken it upon themselves to stand as protectors. Not literally, but more spiritually. These are true men. In addition to my amazing husband, these men have made me feel safe and protected. They've lifted my husband up, and stood by him. It totally rocks.

Injustice

Last night, in a cruel and calculated effort, I was voted off the LCS school board. Prior to this meeting, and for the last 8 months, the Principal and I had been at odds. Conflict was never resolved despite any effort I put forth to do so.
Each time I spoke out in meetings, in an attempt to hold the Principal accountable for actions he had taken that I believed to be unjust or against policy--I was silenced and then Matt was retaliated on at work until Matt was finally fired.


At last night's board meeting, the board president (and my co-founder of the school) re-instated a 7th board member who had recently resigned (her pastor). Up until this point the board was divided 3/3. By bringing this member on literally the night before, she had the 4 votes necessary to vote me off.


Wednesday night I sent an e-mail to board members calling for a school re-structure or for Mr. Yu's resignation due to his lack of school business leadership. A warped, twisted opinion of that e-mail was spread across the school to staff and parents. Several parents and teachers took the public comment time at the board meeting to go beyond sharing their displeasure, but to viciously attack me. None of these people actually contacted me to learn the truth, I didn't even really know most of them. One referred to me as the "cancer needing to be cut out." It was one of the worst experiences of my life, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.


I offered to meet with board members to address their issues, but it was clear they were out for blood. Two members were vindictive to say the least. Two were too coward to do anything, but what they were told. The remaining two stood by my side.


I am heartbroken, and incredibly sad for LCS. Personally, I am trying to reconcile two years of sacrifice, two years of lost time with my family, with the atrocities that have occurred in less than a month. 

Does Anyone Blog Anymore?

I went through my list of blogs I follow, or rather I should say blogs I followed. Facebook has pretty much taken over, hasn't it? I miss blogging. I miss writing. Don't get me wrong. I love facebook. Though it feeds into our immediate gratification culture, and while I think that's an overused statement--it's true.

So, what's new with the Cramer family? Well, we finally started that school. You know, the one that consumed nearly every minute of every day and still sorta does? That one. It's going okay. The Principal and I do not see eye to eye on much, and there is some major conflict between us. I hate that, and I wish it were different. I just keep praying. This was God's idea, God's work, and I trust God will resolve what needs to be resolved.

We're in a holding pattern right now. Not really sure "what's next." Matt is the Asst. Principal at the school. I am at home with the kids. Yes, kids--plural. We pulled Owen out of LCS to homeschool once again. It is just right for his needs. We're very happy with this decision.

Both kids have been taking swim lessons since last summer and it is fantastic! They both have serious talent for it, but in different ways.

Matt and I had a close call last week. A drunk driver was right behind us, swerved & ran into a tree. It was amazing that he didn't hit us or kill himself. Emergency vehicles responded in seconds--literally. I don't think a full minute had passed before someone arrived. Four fire trucks, 2 ambulances, and several police cars. It was an awesome sight.

I really should blog more. I guess blogging is SO 2010.

Random Thoughts

Oh, dear blog. How I long to post my thoughts in some sort of eloquent story. Alas, a list is all I offer:

• Being a charter school founder and board president pretty much sucks the life out of you.
• I eat when I am stressed or depressed. A lot.
• I am both happy & sad about school starting. I'm happy to see all that we've put into this school come alive. I'm happy that I'll have lots of one-on-one time with my baby girl. I'm sad that I won't have that time with my boy, who will now be gone every week day for almost 8 hours a day. *sigh* *weep*
• My brother & sister-in-law are having a baby boy this December! I am so ecstatically happy for them! Can't wait to start knitting for Josiah Medders!
• I love having my husband home more. He left Starbucks 6 days ago & it's amazing what difference it made in our home.
• I am seriously tempted to take all of my money out of the banks & sock it away under the mattress.
• I love that my daughter can't go to sleep unless I rock or hold her even if for just for a minute.
• I love that my son wants to completely imitate his father.
• It's very late & I should be sleeping.

The Cold From Hell

We are sick. "We," being Owen, Eden and me. Matt has so far avoided this cold from hell, but from the last call I had with him--I'm not sure that will last.

Despite having this diagnosis of cystic fibrosis, and being told from the time he was 2 months old to prepare for the worst--Owen has rarely struggled with illness.

This time has been different. Incredibly different.

His hacking cough is non-stop. He has been coughing now for 6 days. With tears in his eyes last night, he said to me, "Mom, I don't want to cough anymore." My heart shattered. "I know, baby. I know." I rocked him. "It's okay to cry," I said. He coughs hard. He gags from the mucus and coughs. His neck and throat spasm. Lord, have mercy.

At 1 am on Saturday morning I called Children's hospital. "Trust your instincts," the doc says. "That's why I'm calling you at 1 am," I say.

Midday Sunday I call Children's hospital again. This time he says to try the all-feared cough suppressant. (It is of vital importance that CF kids keep coughing to keep the lungs clear.) If nothing else, it will allow us a night of sleep--something we haven't had in several nights.

Now I sit here, waiting for Matt to come home from a late shift (only to turn around to open tomorrow). Owen took the suppressant, but is still hacking--begging me to let him sleep in my bed. I say, "When daddy gets home, just wait, try to rest, you'll be okay." Lord, have mercy.

From the mouths of babes

I could dedicate an entire blog simply to the hilarious sayings of Ms. Eden.

Me: "Eden, would you like toast for breakfast?"

E: "Sure, why not."

Me: "Eden, do you want to watch a movie?"

E: "Sure, why not."

Me: "Kids, go make your beds."

O: "We need help."

Me: "No, I've seen you do it before, and you can do a great job."

O: "Okay, but I'm going to help Eden first."

E: "Oh, dear."

E: (singing) "I know you, I walked wit you one a pond a dream. I know you, your eyes are souf america."

E: (singing) "Happy berday to you. Happy berday to you. Happy berday to you. Happy berday all da way."

O: "Crud"

O: "Oh, crud."

O: "This is cracking me out!"

Me: "Eden, should we buy some apples?"

E: "Sure, why not."

At breakfast...

E: "Thank you for making eggs for breakfast, mom."

Me: "You're welcome."

a few seconds later...

E: "Thank you for making toast. And juice. And vitamins...."

While driving...

E: "Mom, God made the snow, right?"

Me: "Yes, Eden."

O: "And the rain?"

Me: "Yes."

...the conversation continued as the children named everything they saw outside. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

E: (Randomly, in the middle of the grocery store, in her sweetest--albeit tough-guy italian voice) "ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?!"

Dear Santa (Why I Need A Digital Camcorder)

This weekend Owen and I started drafting his letter to Santa. This was a first. Up until now Santa was in movies and the scary guy in the picture from Christmas 2005. This year I introduced the concept of Santa only bringing toys to good girls and boys. He wasn't buying it.

While Owen makes his case for needing Star Wars Legos, I thought it prudent to write my own letter to Santa.

Dear Santa Claus,

I have been a good girl this year, and that is why I'm writing. You see, I'm in dire need of a digital camcorder. I work hard every day (sometimes nights too), and my memory isn't doing such a great job these days. I need to capture special moments before my kiddos are grown and gone.

For instance, at Eden's birthday party this year she was the one the kicked off the Happy Birthday song! It was hilarious. Let's not forget to mention her delight with every gift: "OH MY!" "OH MY PEAS!" "OH MY, OH MY!"

Please don't misunderstand. The digital camera you got me last year is awesome! I love the pictures, but it doesn't quite capture certain moments. It can only do so much to capture a little girl twirling in a big, flouncy, petticoat skirt.

Owen has been learning to read. My cell phone does okay to capture the joy in his face, but the recording is pretty bad. Let's not forget that both of them love to sing & perform.

I've already missed so much since our last camera died. I'm writing out memories, but *sigh* I long to re-live all those precious memories of yesterday.

I know you've already gone above and beyond for me. The baby doll in 1985, the denim jacket in '87, the keyboard, the walkman, and the other endless requests that you generously fulfilled were all received with gratitude.

I know I sometimes can be demanding, argumentative, and easily angered. I promise to keep working hard to love more and yell less.

I appreciate all the hard work you do, and thanks for considering my request.

Best Regards,

Tamara

P.S.-A Nikon CoolPixL22 in red, would be fine. :)