Anti-Resolution List

I am a goal-setter and a list-maker. New Year's resolutions are a natural part of what I love to do, but this year is different. The past few years I've achieved plenty. I've done much. I've given more and more. Anyone that knows us, knows that 2012 was an incredibly difficult year for us. We are definitely glad to close that chapter, and thankful to move on to another. 

Through this difficult time we've struggled to hear God's voice. Speaking for myself, I felt cut off and in the dark. Left to wander...and wonder. It was awful. I cried out for my God to speak. I cried out for my ears to be open to hear. I poured my heart out, "God, oh God, why?" After what felt like an eternity...my God spoke and I heard.

"I'm trying to slow you down."

When I heard Him speak, all at once my heart swelled and I was warm. I felt relief wash over me. I wanted to scream and tell everyone. I was bursting. I told my husband and my pastor. Both rejoiced. I told my sisters who had been praying over me. We wept and hugged. 

It's true that in the times of my life that I hear God daily, confident in what He has me doing, and assured of where He's taking me--I achieve and accomplish much (ever making Phil. 4:13 so very true in my life). Lately, when I was--what felt like--closed off from God, I was aimless and felt adrift. Very unnerving for someone like me (recall: list-maker, goal-setter).

Despite the many changes that happened in 2012, I still carry a lot on my plate. Day by day, the door has closed on many projects I had going. God is stripping away, and literally slowing me down. Purposefully giving me less. This would normally make me feel awful, but I feel radiant. I feel free to truly focus on the FEW things I have set before me now. 

I have an anti-resolution list this year. Items begin with words like:
1. Less
2. Fewer
3. Don't
4. No
5. Stop

I'm slowing down. It's not easy (though, starting 2013 with the flu helped slow life down). It's probably harder for me than constantly achieving. I'm kind of excited too. The anticipation of wondering God's purpose in slowing me down is a bit exhilarating. Is something big coming? Is it more refining? Blessings? Or maybe simply for my own health? I'm content to wait and find out.

Philippians is one of my favorite books of the Bible. So, I'll finish this post with one of my favorites passages (Phil 4:4-9) which is always relevant in my journey:


⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God,which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.