Friendship

How do you define friendship? What qualifications do you look for in a friend? How do you know the difference between a true good friend and a "friendly" relationship?

Matt & I both have been lonely lately. We feel almost abandoned by those we thought we could trust and that would be there for us through thick and thin. Honestly, at this time we can only name a couple friends who we know we can depend on. More than that though, we know those people feel the same about us. More of a reciprocal or interdependent relationship, rather than dependent or one-sided relationship.

We spent time (and money) "investing" into relationships throughout our marriage, only to realize later that it wasn't well spent. Very few of those we thought were our friends even talk to us anymore. Yeah, we feel used and disappointed. It breaks our hearts getting turned down over and over and over for a shared meal, an invitation to a party, or whatever get together we plan. I've become weary of even asking. A person can only take so much rejection.

I'm sure there are qualities about us that when people get to know us it quite possibly turns them off--I feel that about people in my life. However, isn't that part of life and relationships? When you really care about someone, don't you work through the bad stuff? Don't you look beyond faults? In our divorce-ridden culture are we too lazy to be loyal? Too weak to work through differences? When things get tough do we just run away & start over?

I've tried to not let this get me down, but I'm both sad and angry. Seriously, if you don't want to be my friend--fine. Could you just be honest with me? Could you just let me know, so I can quit wasting my time investing in you? 

Maybe I should list here what I think is important in a friendship:

• Honesty--if we can't be real with each other, what's the point? Also, if I can't trust you to keep my private stuff private--no doubt that I'll struggle being real with you.
  
• Dedication--I'm going to call & check on you, I want you to check in on me too.
  
• Loyalty--Yeah, I know you have other friends and family obligations, so do I. However, I'll make it a priority to be your friend--meaning I'm going to find the time or make the time to spend with you growing our relationship.
  
• Laughter--If we can't crack up at all the funny, gross, weird, and sometimes sad things going on in life this won't be a good relationship.

Facebook has reconnected us with many people from our past. It's interesting who comments on my status updates, sends messages, or befriends me. I really enjoy Facebook, but those relationships don't make up for a conversation over coffee or a BBQ on the back deck with friends. 

Owen's CF is another reason our friendships are difficult. We're constantly being turned down for dinner or parties b/c so-and-so's kid is sick, and they don't want to infect Owen. I do appreciate that they're concerned for Owen, and also want to keep him healthy--that is very cool. We too have to be very cautious of where we go, and who/what we expose him too. It's very isolating and lonely for Matt & I. We can only imagine what it will be like for our son as he gets older & understands more of what's going on. It's another reason why good friends are so important to us.

I keep trying though. I keep calling people, meeting new people, and trying to find good friends.

What's Going On Right Now.

Matt:
We're pretty sure his ear drum ruptured of few weeks ago. He finally made it to the doctor today. The ear drum looks fine, but there was a huge ball of dark (probably blood-stained) wax in his ear. The doctor removed it, and Matt said the mid-range tones suddenly came back. That must be the range I speak in...

Owen:
Can you believe this kid will be 4 years old in just 12 days? I remember bringing this baby home from the hospital. I remember the day he first smiled. Oh my. Yep, those are tears burning in my eyes. He's debating daily between cookies or cake for the big par-tay. Momma fixed the boy's beloved play tent today, and he's been "camping" all day. He desperately wants Eden to camp too, but she's not too keen on going in--must have her Momma's issues of small spaces. He's doing SO GREAT with preschool. He's flying through the curriculum we're using, and he loves to do "school" with his daddy. Matt really gets the way Owen thinks, and I love seeing Owen's little light bulb come on constantly when he figures stuff out on his own.

Eden:
Definitely likes to dress up, and be "pretty." Today she found a red-bowed head band, and wore it around all day. She picked out a lovely blouse to wear as well, but just like her momma--promptly went outside to play in the mud. Despite it being barely in the 60's today, both kids ran around outside near-naked. No sooner had Matt brought Eden in and took off her wet muddy clothes, when she ran back outside with just a diaper. Those mean molars are fighting their way through, and I'm trying to stay patient through her whining and crying. Really, I sympathize--fevers, obvious pain, restlessness--I'm trying to focus and be joyful that she actually wants her momma so much right now.

Me:
Let's see, working PT at Tenfold (yep, still loving it), still managing the music studio (trying to promote the summer programs), volunteering on the church women's ministry committee working on marketing and promoting events, freelancing here and there, planning a community event for Nurtured Mother, just finished a series of childbirth education classes, fundraising for the CFF, and above it all: being a mom to the two most-awesome kiddos in the world. Maybe it's because I'm nearing the big 2-9, or maybe it's because I quit working full time--I'm not sure, but I'm really becoming more and more aware and "okay" with myself. I find myself thinking "why am I doing this/why do I do this?" I'm realizing I've spent a lot of time doing things for the perception of others. I worried a lot about what others may or may not be thinking about me. My priorities are shifting and becoming so amazingly clear. I don't want to go too deep into this tonight, but that's what's going on right now.

Other thoughts:
LOVE backcountry.com--just got an awesome deal on a Prana laptop bag.

Opinions on some of the new shows: "Castle"--love the stories, but some of the acting is a bit over-done. It's getting better, and I'm enjoying getting into it. "In the Motherhood"--loved the webisodes, HATE the show. I can't even get through 5 minutes without rolling my eyes or wanting to shake these women. "The Unusuals"--just caught the first episode last night. Yep, it was unusual. Pretty sure my watching it will be unusual. "Better Off Ted"--makes me laugh out LOUD.

I Am NOT Participating In the Recession