2010 Major Goals

In no particular order:

• Make family devotional time a regular habit.
• Increase Matt's studio to a point that it independently provides our necessary income.
• Become more sustainable (a.k.a. living green, holistically, etc.)
• Create opportunities for our kids that lead them to success.
• Learn what *works* for our family, and build upon that.

All of these, of course, have several smaller goals that need to be met to be successful.

So, the first 2 are pretty self-explanatory. Let me address the latter 3.

Become more sustainable.

Matt & I crave the simple life. I often ask him if we can be Amish. Apparently, that's a tad more extreme than he's willing to go. (Still loves playing his electric guitar.) A better balance for us is building a productive garden. We've experimented in our garden over the last few years, but this year it's going to be a pretty big deal. Now, we're just waiting for the snow to melt.

However, the garden isn't enough. I'm becoming domestic. I'm teaching myself to knit and sew. Not just as a hobby. I want to make clothing that my family will WANT to wear. This is also going to help me unplug. I spend a lot of time behind my computer, multi-tasking. I need to set aside time daily to DO something productive (b/c I don't know how to sit still), and yet also be unplugged. Knitting is very relaxing for me, and as I get better at sewing I'm finding it to also be a relaxing journey for my mind.

Gardening, knitting, sewing....there's more.

We're getting green. We're making slow, simple changes around the house. We recently went paperless in the kitchen--no paper towels. We compost & recycle. I'm always trying to find new uses for old stuff. I'm reading & learning how to make my own cleansers, hair & facial products, and becoming a more efficient cook.

Create opportunities for our kids that leads them to success.

We have lots of little goals for each of the kids. We want O to read before kindergarten. We want E to be out of diapers before the end of 2010. Mostly, though, we want them take advantage of opportunities that lead them to success. This is a daily habit. We want them to see they have the opportunity to make good choices. We want them to recognize it, seize it, and grow from it. "It" could be a lot of things.

So, how do you create opportunity? For example, LONG before E was ready to potty train I purchased her big-girl panties. She knew for months they were there, waiting for her. Every so often she asked to wear them, we let her, and an accident would happen. Back in the drawer (after cleaning) they would go. Then, a month ago--she was ready to kick training into full gear. She's tackled it full-on, and now wants to go to bed without a diaper. She had the opportunity & took it. Another example--I try to keep tabs on the kiddos' conversations. When I hear things going downhill--I tell them they have the opportunity to make a good choice. It gets quiet, and every so often they choose well. Other times, a little mommy mediation is required. Oh yes, and sometimes some separation. :) They are, after all, siblings. The point is, I make them aware of what is going on, so that they can recognize opportunity.

We're also seeking out opportunities--schools, classes, etc. However, it will be essential to determine what and WHEN. Everything has a time and a place.

Learn what *works* for our family, and build upon that.

Over the course of the last couple years I've learned sincerely that what is standard, or good for the majority, or even just what happens to work for another family--DOES NOT necessarily work for us. In fact, it may even make us miserable, because we're trying to live up to something (or someone) that really has no understanding of our family. Furthermore, God made our family unique, and I'm confident He has a plan for us that may not look anything like the plan he has for yours.

This has been a huge realization in our finances. We kept trying to do things the Ramsey way (for example), or some other financial guru's way. Guess what? They have no idea all the details of our finances & situation, and they DON'T have all the answers. We were getting so frustrated, and now we've created a system that works for us. We still listen and learn from others--there are definite pearls of wisdom out there, but you need a lot of pearls to make a necklace. I really like where we are at--even though it's not perfect. We make tweaks along the way.

I remind myself of this goal daily. I'm a perfectionist, and I'm quick to judge myself and compare myself to others. That's not what God wants from me, I'm sure. I have to remind myself that what worked for her--may not work for me, and may not be what God wants for me.

For example, I recently read about another mom blogger who used baking soda to wash her hair. Being that I'm striving to live more naturally--I wanted to try. I followed her directions EXACTLY. It didn't work. My hair was gross. I gave up, frustrated. A few months later I came back to the idea. I thought maybe I needed to try a different approach--it worked fantastically! Now, I'm using baking soda instead of shampoo on an almost daily basis. We're saving a ton, and it's better for the environment on many levels.

This year is very exciting. I feel more like our time and energy is focused, purposeful. Rather than being controlled, and a slave to our circumstances--we're managing our lives. Please note, I did not say controlling our lives. Yep, that realization came too--we're not in control (very hard for a control freak to say that). We can, however, manage.

February 11, 2010

What I did today:

1. Stuffed, stamped, and mailed out over 500 Valentines for Tenfold.

2. Made lunch for 3 kids and 1 spouse (with much appreciated help from said spouse).

3. Baked cookies.

4. Applied for 3 full time jobs. (Just in case.)

5. Played dress-up, tea party, and mommies with Eden.

6. Utilized playtime with Eden to multi-task & tidy house. (She's got to learn sometime what it really means to be a mommy, right?)

7. Ate 3 cookies, and a large scoop (or two) of cookie dough. (The day is not over either, folks.)

Still have laundry to fold and dinner to make. Yep, it's Thursday.

Money Matters: Part 2

We've started our plan. No doubt it will be tweaked along the way, but we've got a good start.

1. Increase income--We don't know how else to cut expenses w/o compromising health. At first, increasing income also seemed impossible. Matt works 2 jobs, plus takes side work wherever possible. I work for 3 companies and manage the house and kids. There aren't enough hours in the day to work anymore. Two things we concluded: 1. We have to maximize what we're already doing. Matt needs to spend more time working on the job that makes more money. Tamara needs to work as much as possible, but still have balance for managing the home (because lack of time at home means the budget and home finances begin to deteriorate). 2. This will take time. I think we've always thought that, well, if we're working as hard as we can that everything will just fix itself. Nope. We're learning a whole new way to approach work that will yield us the greatest return and benefit. It's going to be a process, and it won't happen over night. Darn. We will get there though.
2. A measly $1k starter-emergency fund doesn't cut it. Rarely are our emergencies less than $1k. We looked through our past, and it's $2500 or more to cover emergencies. Saving enough to prepare for ruin has been our downfall: We first started attacking our debt and budget over 10 years ago, and then moved cross-country to a higher cost-of-living area. Another time--a new baby, early, birth issues along with a job that wasn't paying on time along with the largest tax bill we've ever had. Yet again, just recently, my car required a new clutch and new brakes--nearly $1700 worth of repairs. Each of these emergencies has wiped us out, and then some. We've spent our entire marriage starting over. Before we can pay off debt, we've got to make sure that we don't go into debt further b/c of life's emergencies. So, whether it's $1 or $100--each pay check is going to get a bit moved into that fund.
3. Pay off credit cards. Simple as that.
4. Pay off student loans.
5. Save even more. Now, I want to prepare for catastrophes.
6. Retirement, education, mortgage.

Another step, that doesn't really have a place is refinancing the house. Our mortgages will be the death of us, if we don't find a way soon to get it refinanced. Unfortunately, a lot of these other steps have to happen before a lender will even talk to us.

Goals. I read a great book that talked about having a "Would You Rather." This is that one thing you really, really, really want. For me, it's a tropical vacation for the family. For Matt, a guitar. The "Would You Rather" comes into play whenever we make purchases. Sure, it's always been in our heads to say would you rather buy a new car or get out of debt. However, there are days when it seems we will NEVER be out of debt. So, it's all to easy to say screw it, and buy whatever large or small item is tempting us (even when it's the more expensive cut of meat at the grocery, or gourmet item--I mean, after all, it's food & easily to justify as "needed"). So, now I say "Would I rather go on that vacation, or buy the organic, free-range, grass fed chicken eggs?" Makes it easy. Hello store-brand eggs. (This was just a random example--I really could care less about eggs.)

Out of curiosity--what's your "Would You Rather?"

Detox In Review

I was asked almost daily why we were detoxing. I didn't have an answer. I guess it was, at first, assumed in my head that detoxing is what you're just supposed to do to get in better health. As I am doing with many things in our lives--I began to review the why in this detox.

What got us here?

Why is this important?

What am I trying to accomplish?

Here's what I've come up with so far, and forgive me for the bullets--I'm not feeling very eloquent in my writing today.

• The further away we were from the summer/farmer's market season, etc., The fewer vegetables were being consumed. We primarily have potatoes and carrots remaining, and well--those aren't even really the best from the vegetable world. It was really making for a boring dinner menu.
• Save for the recent lack of vegetables, we really don't eat all that bad. I really enjoy the food we eat, and deprivation from certain foods allowed me to re-learn and appreciate food again.
• Detoxing also reenergized my food creativity. At first I was just so down and tired that cooking and re-learning to cook differently was a struggle. Now, I'm looking at recipes differently. It also inspired our garden-to-be for 2010.
• One thing I didn't accomplish that I fully intended to make a part of the program was to spend more time in prayer and meditation over God's word. Instead, to stave off hunger pains I used distraction--facebook primarily--which, has led to another self discovery that we'll save for another time.
• After the detox I understood hunger better. I'm not eating as much as I did before the detox. I feel full easily, and I'm more aware of when I need to eat.
• Throughout the experience, I knew this wasn't some sort of game of beating myself into food submission. I wasn't fasting, and I allowed myself certain--for lack of better terminology--"cheats." For example, the day my wedding ring was destroyed in the garbage disposal I ate a handful of chocolate chips. After a LONG labor and birth--a few bites of grilled chicken. My body, mind, and soul needed those, and I do not regret or feel that it was wrong to eat them.
• The detox stimulated a lot of conversation for my husband and myself. I think we're detoxing life right now, and this was just the first step to help us understand what is to come in 2010.

So, maybe you die-hard detox champions out there think that I really didn't do a "real" detox. Oh well. This wasn't for you. I feel good, and I pooped like a champ the whole week. We plan to do another in the summer--when more produce is in season. I'll probably still eat chocolate.

Money Matters: Part 1

Step one of my 2010 master-plan in the realm of finance: 'fessing up on all the money mistakes. Now, I'm sure this list won't include everything--no doubt it took A LOT of mistakes for us to get where we are, and it isn't all inclusive. Meaning, I'm not going to get specific here, like "we should have never bought _____." No, I'm understanding now it's not the specific, singular mistake--it's the attitudes and beliefs that went into making those decisions that really matter.

Money Mistakes:

• Believing that getting & using credit cards was "necessary" to build our credit history/give us better chances at buying a car or house.
• Thinking that "leftover" grant, scholarship, or loan money during college was "free" to spend on whatever.
• Believing that it wasn't important to pay off credit cards while in college, because afterall, when we graduate we'll have AMAZING, WELL-PAYING jobs that will zap that debt into oblivion.
• Believing that we HAVE to buy a house NOW, because "renting is like throwing money away."
• Not learning HOW to budget before ever getting a checking account.
• Not learning WHY to budget before ever getting a checking account.
• Believing that a savings account was for whenever we ran out of money in checking, rather than for emergencies or reaching goals.
• Learning, understanding, and respecting the tithe sooner.
• Justifying every purchase.
• Regretting every purchase.
• Just because something you want is on sale, or the best deal, doesn't mean it's the right time, or right thing for your family.
• Just because it's not on sale or not a great deal, doesn't mean it's bad or wrong.
• Just because they're an expert, doesn't mean you should trust them with your money.

What are your money attitude mistakes? What have you learned from bad financial choices?

Funny trip story

We wanted to help Owen understand as much as possible about the funeral. Sort of a "test drive," so that he's prepared when someone close to him dies.

After the funeral we were driving to the cemetery. I turned to Owen and asked if he knew why "the lady was in the box" (as he put it).

"Yes," he said. "She died."

"That's right," I said.

"Yep, someone shot her in the head, and then she died," Owen continued.

Um, no. No more TV for you.

(For those that are worried--after we contained our laughter, we did explain in more detail who was "in the box" and why...and how.)

2010: Project 1

Detox. We're doing it.

I spent the day planning out a week's worth of meals for a detox/cleanse I've adapted from wholeliving.com.

We've done a detox before, but it included drinking a nasty supplement and 2 months worth of eliminating foods we love.

This is quick, and relatively easy. I'm focusing on the "quick" part. The first 3 days we'll ease in to eliminating foods that build up in our system. Days 4-7 we'll be on a mostly liquid diet--consuming a solid, protein-filled lunch each day. If you're interested in the "plan," I'm happy to send you my excel spreadsheet with our meals, what to eliminate, include, or replace.

This detox is part of our family's 2010 "Plan" (I'm working on a cooler title.) With 32 hours in a car over the course of 4 days, Matt and I had the opportunity to discuss the changes and goals we want to make this year, and for the future. We're still establishing strategies and tactics, but we're going to initiate some ideas while we finish the master plan. Doing this detox is part of the health & wellness portion of the plan.

Our 2010 "Plan" includes areas such as: Faith, Finances, Friends, Family, Health & Wellness (ran out of F's), Personal Growth, and Education. There might be more, but that's what I've got so far. I'm sure a spreadsheet will be created soon. SimpleMom.net has an awesome worksheet that we're using. (She's got a lot of other awesome stuff too, so check her out.)