Pouring Out My Heart

I have a lot going on inside my heart right now, and I've only been posting "the fluff" (a.k.a. cute stories of our kids). I've got to get this out though, so please bear with me.

Why we chose to have Tamara leave her job:

1. The kids. We take the responsibility of raising our children very seriously. Our children are a gift from God, and we have been charged with their upbringing—no one else. Before we even got married we discussed this, and agreed that we would be raising our children—not a nanny, not a family member, not a friend, not a childcare facility. Owen’s CF also makes it necessary that we do not put him in a childcare environment. Something we could not afford even with both of us working 50+ hours a week. Having a family member care for our children was not an option. No one would ensure the values and routine of daily life were upheld like we would. No one is more capable of caring for Owen’s special needs, or understands his difficulties, better than us. It’s not anyone else’s job, and they shouldn’t be put in that role. Tamara had recently been promoted at work, and Group felt that her new responsibilities would not allow her to work from home at all. They were becoming more and more inflexible with her role as a mother.
2. The job. Though Tamara loved her job and work, the circumstances at work were not only becoming difficult, they were causing a huge amount of stress. They were demanding more and more of her time and talents, leaving little left over for family. She struggled to get along with her new supervisor and co-worker, and despite her continuing effort to work with them—day to day work was difficult. This stress led to many of her struggles during pregnancy, and were a huge reason she suffered from pre-eclampsia during her first pregnancy and mandatory bed rest during her second pregnancy.
3. Money. Even when Tamara was working, we continued to go backwards—remember it was while Tamara was working that we got into this debt. While we did not spend frivolously—we did not have the time to really manage our spending and make the necessary cut-backs. Being away from the home meant no time to cook or prepare meals, so we went out on a regular basis. With Tamara working we spent more on clothes, hair, food, and fuel. We couldn’t get ahead with her working. Had Tamara continued working, we would not have qualified for the government assistance, and would still be spending thousands more per month.
We used several resources to look at our budget with different scenarios: Tamara working ft, Matt working pt, Matt working ft, Tamara working pt, childcare, no childcare, etc. After reviewing these, it was clear that we would be better off financially in the long-run for Tamara to leave her job. We made a plan for Tamara to work until bonuses were paid, so that we’d have extra money set aside for the “rough time.” Matt was on-track to be promoted within a short time, and it seemed that would be fine in just a few months. What we were unable to plan for was the economy going south: Starbucks halted all promotions and closed 600 stores, fuel hit $4/gallon, and food prices went up 30-50%.
4. Matt’s leadership. It was put on our hearts that Matt needed to be the provider. This could not happen unless Tamara stopped working. Had she continued working, she would have always been the one we depended on for money. We reached a point of “fish or cut bait.” Matt had started working at Starbucks, but was limited on time he put in, because of Tamara’s job. Having Tamara at home enabled him to focus on building his career. Having her home has spurred on his career, and given it the fire it needed to succeed. She has organized his music studio, and it is more profitable today than it has ever been. She heard God calling her to use her skills to ensure Matt’s success. He’s on-track to being able to completely financially provide for our family.
5. Depression. Tamara faced serious depression after giving birth to Eden. This came from the tragic experience of nearly dying after Eden’s birth, to having to give up the job she loved, and feeling torn over choosing, and other issues. Had she continued working, she would have most likely had to continue with therapy for much longer (more money), not been able to work as efficiently (more stress), and would have emotionally and mentally (and physically) suffered the consequences of not addressing this problem. Her counselor even agreed that it was wise for her to leave her job, despite the financial burden.
6. Faith. For the first time ever, Tamara heard God telling her to come home. This was not planned. She tried to ignore it during pregnancy, she fought it after Eden’s birth, she desperately tried to make it work, and it was for naught. We prayed feverishly over this, and cried out to God for an answer that made more sense—we thought surely providing money is important? It was clear God had a purpose and a plan. Since leaving we have been shown over and over that we made the right decision—from things at Group that have changed since leaving, to seeing our children grow and overcome their struggles, to Tamara’s continued success in overcoming depression and develop into a Godly mother and wife, to seeing Matt grow into a leader and see his confidence build. These are priceless.

You may not agree with our decision, but it is not you whom we serve in this life. We chose to take the difficult path—the one where we utterly trust and rely on God to provide. You may call this unwise or foolishness, we call this faith. You may think that we’re not being realistic, and I feel sorry for you. Maybe one day you’ll get this opportunity too, and we’ll be there encouraging you to trust in God and offering our support and love.