Friendship

How do you define friendship? What qualifications do you look for in a friend? How do you know the difference between a true good friend and a "friendly" relationship?

Matt & I both have been lonely lately. We feel almost abandoned by those we thought we could trust and that would be there for us through thick and thin. Honestly, at this time we can only name a couple friends who we know we can depend on. More than that though, we know those people feel the same about us. More of a reciprocal or interdependent relationship, rather than dependent or one-sided relationship.

We spent time (and money) "investing" into relationships throughout our marriage, only to realize later that it wasn't well spent. Very few of those we thought were our friends even talk to us anymore. Yeah, we feel used and disappointed. It breaks our hearts getting turned down over and over and over for a shared meal, an invitation to a party, or whatever get together we plan. I've become weary of even asking. A person can only take so much rejection.

I'm sure there are qualities about us that when people get to know us it quite possibly turns them off--I feel that about people in my life. However, isn't that part of life and relationships? When you really care about someone, don't you work through the bad stuff? Don't you look beyond faults? In our divorce-ridden culture are we too lazy to be loyal? Too weak to work through differences? When things get tough do we just run away & start over?

I've tried to not let this get me down, but I'm both sad and angry. Seriously, if you don't want to be my friend--fine. Could you just be honest with me? Could you just let me know, so I can quit wasting my time investing in you? 

Maybe I should list here what I think is important in a friendship:

• Honesty--if we can't be real with each other, what's the point? Also, if I can't trust you to keep my private stuff private--no doubt that I'll struggle being real with you.
  
• Dedication--I'm going to call & check on you, I want you to check in on me too.
  
• Loyalty--Yeah, I know you have other friends and family obligations, so do I. However, I'll make it a priority to be your friend--meaning I'm going to find the time or make the time to spend with you growing our relationship.
  
• Laughter--If we can't crack up at all the funny, gross, weird, and sometimes sad things going on in life this won't be a good relationship.

Facebook has reconnected us with many people from our past. It's interesting who comments on my status updates, sends messages, or befriends me. I really enjoy Facebook, but those relationships don't make up for a conversation over coffee or a BBQ on the back deck with friends. 

Owen's CF is another reason our friendships are difficult. We're constantly being turned down for dinner or parties b/c so-and-so's kid is sick, and they don't want to infect Owen. I do appreciate that they're concerned for Owen, and also want to keep him healthy--that is very cool. We too have to be very cautious of where we go, and who/what we expose him too. It's very isolating and lonely for Matt & I. We can only imagine what it will be like for our son as he gets older & understands more of what's going on. It's another reason why good friends are so important to us.

I keep trying though. I keep calling people, meeting new people, and trying to find good friends.